Your Unwritten Story

Often times I am asked the question of why I believe what I believe and why I take it so seriously. I never can really fully understand the question, shouldn’t we all follow with passion what we believe whatever the cause?

For me, my faith has caused many to question my motives, my decisions, and my reasons for doing things the way that I do them. I cannot deny that I am not perfect, that I am a foolish and wretched person. However I believe that I have been chosen to follow God regardless of the cost. My firmness in my belief has caused me to lose friends, jobs, and even some family. You may question my motives also, after all, aren’t these listed, the most important you have in your life? For me I can honestly say no.

Last weekend I went to meet my birth mother for the first time. After a few failed attempts several years ago I had given up the desire, the need and the responsibility of needing to know where my "roots"came from. Then, this past November I received the first of what would be many letters from my biological mother.  For those of you who know my story, it’s a bit challenging because of the mental state of my biological family.

Each week I would receive another letter, another stenciled picture, each repeating the address of where she lived,  and how she loves to make necklaces and draw.  Numb is the best way to describe my feelings towards this situation. I created for my own protection (and now my children), a protective, emotionless barrier so we would not know rejection.

Then in April of this year Linda (my bio mom) asked if we would come and meet her. At first I decided against it for what did it matter anyway. But a good friend said to show a little grace and so I agreed. We would bring the whole family 5 hours away to meet the lady that birthed me.

I did not tell only but a handful of people because I was not ready to explain my emotions because I really didn’t have any. I was just going to meet a lady to do a nice gesture. I had kept myself so detached for so long that I didn’t feel I needed to have any sort of "feeling" or anticipation of what the meeting would be like. So why tell people and talk about it?

When we arrived at the house where she lives, which is a home  for people who are not able to mentally care for themselves, we were welcomed by several hellos. She had made necklaces for every one of us, gave us all a small gift (some with a name) and then small conversation took place.

There is not much to share about the actual encounter because what matters is that I left with an emotion that I had not anticipated having and that was a sense of acceptance and grace from a God who had saved me from a life of what I cannot have imagined being. If you know my story in its depths, it is one that should tell of despair, lostness, and rejection.  Instead, God chose me, chose to save me from that and gave me a life full of joy and love and ACCEPTANCE.  How can I not passionately serve Him, how can I not give up whatever I need to be faithful to Him?

My birth mother would not have been able to care for me and rightfully so given her medical condition. But yet even after 30 plus years she looked right at Patrick and said, “Thank you for taking care of her.” Ultimately, its not Patrick but in that statement God showed me that it was HIM who took care of me that He has chosen me for whatever reason, to follow Him. Call me crazy, call me religious, call me whatever you think, but He has written a unique story for me and I have to share without holding back the freedom he has given. My story tells of a faithful and gracious God that saved me time and time again and now I am saved.

I have received letters since visiting my mother last month and this time, there is emotion and that emotion is grace. Grace to understand, grace to love, and grace to give to others. God has that story for you, you just have to let him write it. 

Where Have We Been?

Where have we been? I think the better question is what has happened? So...back in August we completed our home study process with Bethany Christian Services. We were approved and accepted, well kind of...Our casework asked us to do a lead assessment of our house (which is thousands of dollars) and we needed to prove that we were told to verify that we would indeed have the next portion of the money owed within the next couple of weeks to come. After calling EPA, and even the agency's "mother office" to see if this assessment was necessary and apparently it is not required officially by the state but it is up to each individual caseworker's discretion. We made the statement that the entirety of our house has been painted but this was not enough. Another statement was said, "You already have three children, why do you need more?"  Realizing the financial burdern of private adoption our caseworker strongly suggested we change the age of our child to one that would be more "affordable". Needless to say, we kept running into doors over and over again. When we realized that our caseworker was not into advocating for our family we sent a letter removing our application from Bethany Christian Services. We were very saddened by this as everything thus far had moved rapidly and we watched God provide financially, timing, and emotionally every single moment we needed.
We spent much time analyzing, praying, and seeking God really desiring to see His will for us as a family. Are we supposed to be done? Are we complete now and seeking something that is not meant to be? Then after many phone calls, calls to friends, advice and tears I called DSS about 20 times, left messages, and called different agencies to see who would be open to us attempting the foster care world.
We were able to get ahold of our local DSS and to keep this as short as possible are almost completed with the foster care system's application process. We will finish our training on Tuesday and by the end of the month will be praying for the right child and situation to come into our home.
Still a little nervous and unsure of what the foster care system has to offer us, we make each step with faith and knowing that God has given us a desire for children and how He fulfills that is up to Him, we will just trust!